I've been resisting the urge to make some rant or another regarding the current political and economic situation.  I've decided not to write a treatise on Barack Hussein Obama's inexperience, ineptitude and overall lack of understanding.  Included in that is a resolution not to discuss his socialist policies and how they are woefully ill-conceived and foredoomed to failure.  Neither will I discuss how Congress is a collection of morons who clearly have no understanding of economics and who are some of the worst perpetrators of group-think and all-around laziness.  (That their approval rating is somewhere near a mere 16% is not even worth mentioning, although it is nearly half the President's approval rating.  Also worth not mentioning is to point out which party controls Congress-the Democrats.)  Furthermore, the argument that a large portion of the citizenry are ignorant and mentally feeble enough to swallow whatever sensationalized tripe the pathetic and biased American media spoon-feeds them will not be made here either.  And while I'm not making those arguments, I should point out that though it also crossed my mind to expound upon the unfortunate circumstance that said plebes will turn out to vote on their emotions instead of voting on informed and rational opinions, I have decided not to indulge in that either.  Instead, let me just say the following quote:

"A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough to take it all away."  -Barry Goldwater

So having said, in brief, a list of topics I will not be discussing, let's move onto the things that I will talk about.

As I believe I said in a previous entry, there is one person whose mind I have not been able to see into until recently.  Shall we call her Ophelia?  Yes, that will suffice for now I think.  I was surprised to find, when that barrier was recently broken, that I had in fact always known what was there; I had just never bothered to put it into sufficient enough words to define and describe it.  In a way, this breakthrough has been most liberating.  It became clear that Ophelia, like others I know, does not place the same sort of importance on loyalty and friendship as I do.  This is not really surprising.  I doubt she has ever had to rely on her friends as I have; to entrust herself to them in the darkest hours and to let them see both the best and worst that she has to offer.  And in that regard I pity her.  Even in her recent and [almost rudely] sudden departure I can't bring myself to hold ill-will towards her.  After all she is, I think, caught up in her emotions and in a situation larger than herself.  I wish the best for her in any case, as I always have and always will.

I had a thought today which, like many profound truths, is very simple and often shrouded in the complexities of a given situation.  There are certain standards to which I aspire, and lately I feel like I've missed the mark by a long shot.  My realization was to remind myself that it's alright to miss the mark as long as I don't stop trying to hit it.  This with the caveat that such reasoning can't be used to justify repeated and willful failings.

Work has been more stressful than usual.  In response to a sudden increase in demand from a certain customer, we have been sending repair orders in on lots of trailers to make sure they're ready to go when the customer wants them.  This involves a massive effort to keep track of the repair status of the entire fleet, which is daunting.  To you, my readers, it may sound simple and it is in principle.  But in practice it is something entirely different.  Compounding the problem is our sister company.  They have a seasonal agreement with a large freight carrier to store trailers on our lot.  This requires almost a total shuffle of the trailers on hand so that the appropriate rows and space can be allocated for the customer.  When combined with the shuffling of trailers being prepared for our large order, this has wrecked my daily record-keeping of where trailers are in the lot.  I can make a list in the morning and it can be completely ruined in the course of a day.  I take comfort in the fact that this increase in activity is good for business and that it will subside once all the trailers have been repaired and moved to where they need to be.  Other challenges loom, however, as I am still working the bugs out of our new software.  It was installed a few months ago and we are still having trouble with some of its functions.  I won't go into the complexities of the various causes, but it can simply be said that instead of halving my workload, it has doubled since I am keeping both the new system and the old system (i.e. spreadsheets).  Truly this is a learning and character-building experience.  (Or that's what I try to keep telling myself.)  In any case, warts and all, I am employed and able to pay my bills.  This is a blessing, and worth the frustrations that come with it.

Well, it's been quite a while since my last entry.  How about some highlights?

Most notable: I got a job!  Yes, it finally happened.  I'm in my third week and adjusting nicely.  I have health insurance and I'm making more money than I ever have.  Soon (within the next week or so) I will get a car.  I'm trying for a Dodge Charger.  I won't be able to afford the higher end version that I want, but still; after I put away some money I'll be able to upgrade some of the features later.  What? What do I do at my job?  I work for a small business that buys/rents/sells the large freight trailers that you see going down the highway.  I guess you might say my title is Operations Assistant.  I do most everything from paperwork to answering phones and inspecting the trailers before and after they're leased out.  As the business grows so will my duties; I'll basically end up running the operations while my supervisor works more with sales.  It's not the ideal job, but everyone has to start somewhere.  And I'm learning fast; at least I am so far.

What's my favorite part of the job?  Well, the paycheck is nice.  But I have to say, having my own desk is one of the best perks.  At the funeral home I was always having to work at someone else's desk and inevitably I would get booted from the desk and have to find somewhere else to work.  (Although with the exception of one person, all of them were nice about it.)

Cool stuff has been happening with the floV Class at church.  I was able to transplant some of the lessons from my time at Wesley and they have taken root.  I'm already noticing a change for the better in the group.  But I have felt some stagnation as of late, so it's time to take them to the next step.  Unfortunately there is a bit of scheduling issue that will need to be dealt with.  I'm working on that.

Well, that's about it.  So let's review the checklist...

Computer, open command window.

Hehehe.  Wouldn't you like to know what else is on that list?  Those who know me well enough already do know...if they would think about it.

Until next time.

0820 Hrs

Just a little exposé on random thoughts.

It wasn't too long ago that I woke up and I already feel down.  I'm tired of waiting for things to come together.  People ask me how I'm doing, and how the job hunt is going so I tell them that I'm doing fine, or that I'm doing good, and I may rattle off some half-programmed answer about a job lead or something.  What I tell them is the truth.  And I say I'm doing fine, because I am.  A lot of things are good in my life, and those are stable.  My emotions, however, are not.  Which is a norm for humanity; our emotions change countless times in a day and one tiny thing can cause a complete mood shift.  Even now as I type and drink my morning coffee, I'm feeling more at ease.  Perspective and perception are everything, they make the proper attitude possible, which in turn allows faith to take the rest.  And faith is what gets me and many others through; it's what helps us take things in stride and fight each day against the tough times.  Faith combined with the support from and support given to friends creates a powerful countering force.  Unfortunately, most of my friends are 200 miles north of me.

 1417 Hrs

I'm at work at the funeral home.  When I showed up I was under the impression that the visitation would go to 2000 Hrs, as usual.  Then I found out that it was scheduled to go to 2100 Hrs.  I was not happy.  It was just one more thing on a growing list of problems with the day as a whole.  Here we see a paradox of the funeral business.  On one hand there is a commitment to serving a family in their time of loss, and doing all we can to make their time with us a meaningful experience.  On the other hand, we employees have lives beyond the funeral home.  People rarely leave when the visitation is supposed to be over, and we can't ask them to leave unless it's really late.  We have to clean up and close after everyone leaves.

2130 Hrs

Tonight I signed out at 2115 Hrs.  This job is getting on my nerves now.  I don't get paid enough.  Random tangent: You can't pick up chicks in a hearse.  Well...you can, but personally I don't think I'd want to pick up that kind of chick; I might wind up sacrificed on some pagan altar or something.

I'm glad this day is finally over.

It’s a very weird thing now to be home while I know my brother and most of my friends from college are back at school.  I’m going to have to find a job soon or I’ll probably go crazy sitting at home by myself.  Of course, even at work I would still constantly be wondering what they all are doing.  Wondering what adventures they’re having.  What trials they’re enduring.  Of course I can contact them; anytime I want in fact.  But it still remains that now I’m on the outside looking in.  It’s become obvious to me that in order to fully emerge from one stage of my life I have to start the next phase quickly.  That would, of course, be a career.  But right now that hasn’t happened.  I’m feeling like I’m stuck halfway through the looking-glass.

On another note, I’m getting rather annoyed with all the weddings going on.  Just last week my mom got a call from one of her friends announcing the wedding of their eldest son.  Just last week another childhood friend of mine got married, but I wasn’t able to attend because we took my little bro to college.  Another friend’s wedding is coming up soon.  I don’t know what’s more annoying.  Having to admit that yes, I am old enough for this to be happening, or watching these people, who are generally younger than me, pass me up in the natural progression of life.  Who gives a crap whether I’m in a relationship or not.  I’m perfectly aware that I’m not ready to get married.  (I’ve got to get my career on track first for one thing.)  No; it’s just that I don’t want to believe that I’m old enough for these sorts of things to be happening.  And I don’t like it when people who are younger than me surpass me.  Yes, my sin is pride.  Always has been, always will be.  (Just keep fighting.)

I am making progress in one area; probably the one area that counts: my spiritual life.  I think I’m finally seeing a pattern in how God speaks to me.  It comes as no surprise that music is usually involved; not that I’m listening to it, but that somehow a verse of a hymn, or something sticks out.  And I’ve begun to notice things happening- a particular order of events, or part of a discussion that all fit together with a unifying theme.  Yet they’re all completely independent events with different settings and everything.  Is it coincidence?  Is it my mind creating patterns where I “need to see them”?  No.  Why?  Simple.  It’s happened too often to be coincidence.  It’s happened with different people in different settings in completely unrelated situations.  And it’s the consistency of the message that’s been repeated for several months now.  It’s like I’m being shouted at or like I’m facing a giant billboard with big flashing lights that says: “Hey stupid!  Here’s what you need to know!”  …Oddly enough, that’s what I had prayed for a long time ago before these things started happening.  So what’s the message?  Yep, you guessed it: seek God first.  Surprise, surprise, hehe.  But more recently there’s been another part to the message.  He seems to be telling me that he’s been making me promises all along; promises concerning all of the things that I feel have been missing.  Like direction, for example.  Then why hasn’t He delivered?  Well, I didn’t necessarily know what these promises were until about two weeks ago.  And then the pieces of the puzzle came together: He hasn’t delivered on His promises because I haven’t been delivering on mine.  I made a promise to put Him first, but haven’t been doing that.  So I’m working on fixing that.  I don’t know how far along I’ll have to get before things will change.  But that doesn’t really matter.  God has never delivered anything in any time but His own; you know He’s got that whole omniscience thing going on.  So I’m not even going to worry about the when.  I’m fairly certain that things will start falling into place once I get my rear in gear.

And now for something completely different…

(…no, it’s not a man with 3 buttocks.)

I just got back from a weekend getaway with a life-long friend and his family.  We went to Lake of the Ozarks and had a blast.  Cruising on the Jet-Ski was great; we really tore up the lake.  Jumping off the dock into the lake was fun too; they have a double-decked dock.  The boat slip is on the bottom, and the upper level has a railing and is set up like a patio.  There’s a gate on the top and you can run and jump off of it.  We choreographed a karate-style fight scene in which I end up “kicking” my friend off the dock; at which point his wife comes up behind me and pushes me off.  I haven’t seen the video, but I’m hoping it’s good.  The fight scene itself is probably not that good (the dialogue was terrible), but given that it was our first attempt, I’ll still think it’s awesome.  Sunburn is not awesome, however.  I got it on my face and my shoulders where the life jacket was not covering.  It’s pretty bad, but thanks to the wonders of aloe gel, I’ve not been in much pain and I haven’t started peeling yet.  It’ll turn into a nice tan eventually.  We set off fireworks too; big ones.  We even lit up one that had bin-Laddin’s ugly mug on it.  That was amusing, blowing him up in effigy.  And we fired off my friends potato gun.  It’s kind of like a hand-held mortar launcher made of PVC and powered by hairspray and an igniter button from a grill.  Pics from the weekend are on Facebook.

For the victims of the shootings at VA Tech; a prayer excerpted from Mozart's Requiem Mass:

Requiem aeternam dona ets, Domine,
et lux perpetua luceat ets.
Te decet hymnus, Deus, in Sion,
et tibi reddetur votum in Jerusalem.
Exaudi orationem meam,
ad te omnis caro veniet.
Requiem aeternam dona ets, Domine,
et lux perpetua luceat ets.

Hostias et preces, tibi, Domine,
laudis offerimus:
tu suscipe pro animabus illis,
quarum hodie memoriam facimus:
fac eas, Domine, de morte Iransire ad vitam,
quam olim Abrahae promisisti
et semini ejus.

Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine,
et lux perpetua luceat eis,
cum sanetis tuis in aeternum,
quia plus es.

Translation:

Grant them eternal rest, O Lord,
and may perpetual light shine on them.
Thou, O God, art praised in Zion,
and unto Thee shall the vow be performed in Jerusalem.
Hear my prayer,
unto Thee shall all flesh come.
Grant them eternal rest, 0 Lord,
and may perpetual light shine on them.

We offer unto Thee this sacrifice
of prayer and praise.
Receive it for those souls
whom today we commemorate.
Allow them, O Lord, to cross
from death into the life
which once Thou didst promise to Abraham
and his seed.

May eternal light shine on them, O Lord.
with Thy saints for ever, because
Thou art merciful.
Grant the dead eternal rest, O Lord,
and may perpetual light shine on them,
with Thy saints for ever,
because Thou are merciful.

May they rest in peace, and may all who grieve be comforted.  Amen.